Have you ever been possessed by an idea? Did you ever think of something, no matter how small, and never have it go away? Something that, slowly but inevitably, grew within you until you couldn't remove it no matter what you did? Did you close your eyes and see it? Did you sleep and dream of it? Did you see it reflected in the windows as you stared out of them? See the faces from your idea reflected in the mirror? Did you hear their voices in the lyrics of songs, or see their lives behind the notes? Did you live the life of your idea, so detailed in its growth that it became almost a second set of memories? Could you really tell someone else about this idea? Could you share it with the world?
I have had that feeling. Twice. And I will share it with the world someday. My web series, posted on max7238.deviantart.com, has become that. Even as I rewrite it all, and more, for my first book, I can feel everything Max goes through. He is me in another universe. He had the same karate classes as me. The same friends, the same brother, the same life... All up until he burst into flames in his backyard. Until he and his brother and his friends were thrust into a struggle as old as time itself. I've been where he's been. I've seen what he's seen. Felt what he's felt. But that's not the only idea like that I've had. I have another, and I will not share a thing about it unlike my web series. This other idea may be even better than the first. This idea is of a life I never had, and a life I would not wish for. It is a story of death and curses. A story of loss and pain so deep the only way to keep from giving up on life is to make life worth living. A story about someone who loses everything they ever loved, is left alone in the world, but who tortures his body with training and tortures his mind with studies until he is ready and able to live for more than himself. I have seen his face in the mirror, scarred on the left side. Felt his heart break a second time as he loses the last thing tying him to the rest of the world. Felt the strength of his resolve, the fire in his soul, as he chooses life over death.
These ideas. They are more than that to me. They are entire universes pressing against my skull from within. They are lives I've never lived, but remember anyway. Places I've never been and things I've never felt, but remember anyway. Do not misunderstand: this is not insanity. It is creativity so vast and uncontrollable, I couldn't stop if I wanted to. More of those universes fall into place with every new song I hear, every new show I watch, every new book I read, and every new day I face. They are not just simple things I want to do, and stories I want to share. They are worlds I want people to visit. They are memories and prophecies that must be given to the world. They are impossible. They are spectacular. They are sorrowful. They are powerful. They are mine and mine alone. And they will forever dwell within me.
So I ask now, do you want that feeling? Do you want an idea that you will never get rid of? A world within you you will never leave? A life you've never lived, but remember anyway? Does that even sound possible to you? What would YOU do if you had such a thing? Would you write it out, as I am, or would you draw it out, sing it out, or act it out?
Can you entertain the idea... Of having ideas be more than ideas?
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