Deep, thundering drums

I find it funny how those who know me fail to see what is going on with me. How, come May 12th, I will have been alone for 20 years now. I met with my friends just yesterday, one of them picking me up with her boyfriend driving. We went to meet the others, and most of them also had stories and pictures to share of those they were in relationships with. No one noticed me just sitting there while that happened. Sure, I joked and sang along for the rest of our meeting, just being me. And though I was honest the entire time, no one notices the negative parts. They all look at me and see the short, scrawny karate kid with a soul of steel. While that is me, what they miss is my humanity. Were I any different, even a little weaker, I'd be long dead by my own hand in middle school. Were I weaker now, I would drop out of college, leave my house, and just be homeless. Each passing day is more torture. Though, unlike previously in my life, I have a goal to work for now, I see no point in success achieved alone and enjoyed alone. All my life I've listened to family and those far older than me say that I'm handsome and smart and that I'll find someone one day. Well, I don't believe them. If I were as great as they all say, I'd have someone by now, right? But I don't. And no one notices or cares, despite being my close friends and even my mother. And no one considers that I could be gone tomorrow. Sad, as I've said before, how someone with so much love to give can't find anyone who wants it...